One of my best friends from high school and I went out last night. We went to see The Time Traveler's Wife. Now, despite the amazing previews and rave reviews of the book, the movie is disappointing, disjointing, and slow. This, however was offset for us by the hilarious, outspoken women behind us. We were rolling throughout the movie. They deserved our movie admission money, not Hollywood.
Afterward, we sat in the car and we somehow got into a conversation of our past, certain significant memories of our past. We started talking about if we could have gone to ourselves in the past, when would we go and what we would have said. One time would be in fifth grade, when my best friend and I got in a huge fight, she said horrible things about me and turned half of the class against me, when she decided she wanted to be my best friend again, I said NO THANK YOU. During that time, there were three girls who decided they would be my friend despite it all. Those girls ended up leading me to a group who would be my group of friends in high school. The girls I stop hanging out with...they became part of a wild group in high school. I told Carrie, I just wonder what life would have been like. It is o clear what God was doing in my life during the seemingly "traumatic" time. If I could go to that girl, I would tell her there was a reason, and it would be worth it. I do not know why this time sticks out so strongly, but it is the earliest time in my life that I remember God allowing me pain to lead me to holiness. He chose my holiness over my happiness.
I can remember times since then as well, but I walked away from our conversation with 2 things. One, trust God with the pain or seemingly endless questions, fear, and difficulties. He always has a plan. Second, stop trying to "better" my kids. Teach them their worth no matter what they look like, talk like, behave like, etc. I am not saying do not encourage them to be better, try harder, obey, etc. I am saying I need them to know that they are "perfectly perfect" as I tell them often.
I know this is a weird post, but it was a moving conversation for me. After all we went through in Austin and the questions an uncertainties to follow, I relish the recollections of God's faithfulness in what may feel like His absence.