Water walking

Hello. My name is Rachel, and I am a fearaholic. Yep, that is me. Unfortunately there is no 12-step program. There is only a 3 stepper. STOP worrying. TRUST God. FOLLOW faithfully. I feel like I have a hand on 2, but number one is much too hard. Most of you know, you cannot skip the first step and ever truly recover. Am I making any sense? Most people give Peter a hard time for sinking when he was walking on the water. People say, "Oh, he took his eyes of Jesus." I say, he got out of the boat!! Only Jesus could walk unswervingly on the water. Humanity fails us. The other disciples were cowering in the boat or jealously wishing they could have the courage to do some waterwalking. No one ever again got the chance.
My husband is a boat jumper. God says, "GO," and he does. Just like that. I am a boat sitter. If you tump the boat over, I will give it a try, but if everything is smooth, I will keep my seat, thank you very much. Right now God is on the water, Rick has jumped up, and I just can't get the nerve. I know if I do not trust, then I might never know the "waterwalking" feeling.
Faith is fine when it involves your own self, but your kids make it a whole different story. I have boldly asked God to put a leak in my boat to make me stand if it is truly His will. Please join with me in prayer over all of this. We need it.