Thursday, July 16, 2009

It is mine again!

Welcome to my new blog! I am glad you took the time to come read my new one! I hope this will lead me to start posting again. We shall see, right? These past few months have been a gut-wrenching, heartbreaking journey. Up until the past couple of weeks, I have felt as if I would not come out victorious, but God knew and has shown otherwise. I have dealt with such deep rooted anger after the way these few men at ABC treated Rick. How dare they?! The anger was destroying me. God led me to an Anger Workbook that has been amazing. It is changing so much about the way I view things and is helping me work through some feelings. You see, I am a person who really needs to see justice. I like to see wrongs righted. I have to discuss my feelings and get things cleared. With the way these 5 men treated Rick, I had lots to "let off," but they lied to the church and did not allow us an opportunity to respond. I have had nowhere to "place" all of these emotions, and so they began to eat me alive, inside out. Guess what?! Because I drop the anger and any retribution, it does not mean I am saying they are ok or that I am conceding to them. It means I care more about being spiritually and emotionally healthy. It means my love and trust of God outweighs my anger, pain, and desire to see these men pay.
It is funny, I have a master degree in counseling, but this book is still really teaching me. I feel like Memphis is the Balm of Gilead for us. I am healing. Rick is healing. We are healing, as a we. Our bond is stronger than it has been since he started ministry. The church in NY is filled with beautiful people that are open and accepting and not pressuring us. Don't get me wrong, I cry like a baby after Rick gets on the airplane, and I miss him like crazy. I worry he will crash in a plane or something like that, but I am still in a better place. I am finally losing weight - 2 sizes down already. I feel like I am finding myself again. Oh God is so good!
My blogs will be about whatever I want. I am not censoring, being pastor wifeish or worrying. This is my place to express my thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc., as I FIDO and live life!

1 comment:

  1. I enjoy the blog and wanted to share with you two things:

    1. After an experience in Georgia where I was very hurt and angry and wanted to see some men pay for what they did to John. A very dear friend made me bookmark that is still in my Bible to remind me that God's wrath is far greater then mine.

    "the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteos for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment." 2 Peter 2:9

    2. I also wanted to tell you how the Lord used you during some of your hardest days to help me. Two years ago when we went through Church Planting Training, I left with the conclusion that I was not cut out for planting. God had just not designed me that way. I remember telling John I was a little confussed because he was perfect for planting and up to that point we had always made a good team for his ministry. I even joked and said he needed to be married to Rachel Julian...she was the perfect wife for a planter. (YES that is right a preacher's wife made the classic mistake of putting a human being up on a pedestal) If you remember a couple of months ago you called me and while we were talking you told me the exact opposite. You said that I was the perfect wife/partner for a planter and that you were not. I am not sure I rember much of the rest of the conversation because I was in such shock. The women I admired and had place on a pedestal just told me she thought I was cut out for planting and admitted to having some insecurities. That was almost more then I could handle because you had always been who I wished I could be more like. Bottom line God used you that day to remind me that all things are possilbe through Him and if it was His will for us to plant then I just needed to have the faith to move forward. And we have...John has begun the detox process through an intern with a plant in Rock Hill. He will start a training program in January! It is a slow process, but we are moving forward. I just wanted to say thank helped more then you will ever know!

    Love you,