My week

I had high hopes for this blog, but life happened. It seems like that is what the motif is in my life right now. LIFE HAPPENS. I seem to be in a "keep moving forward even when crap its the fan over and over again" mode. I must say, though, that I am blessed. I have a terrific husband who happens to look mucho sexy with his scruff going on, two healthy happy children, friends who bless me so much. I want to blog all about my trip to NY but my camera is dead and my connection cable is stored up in Austin. I keep meaning to find a cable cord but have yet to get it done.
Following Kyle's funeral, I hopped in the car with the kids, got back to TN after 10.5 hrs, packed and left the next morning at 7 AM. I met Rick in NY. We saw 2 movies, ate out, went to NYC for a couple of days, stayed up late and slept in late. AHHH! My sweet mom kept the kids. We toured Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, went through Times Square, went to and walked out of a comedy show, walked all over the city and had an amazing time! Pictures will come soon. On Sunday Ricked preached a sermon that stormed into people's spirits, minds, and hearts. It was like the Spirit came in that Sunday morning like a rushing wind. There were salvations and rededications by many people. IT WAS AMAZING!! NY has been so refreshing. The expectations, the relationships, the openness, the courage...so much different than what we have experienced in the south.
We still do not have a direction from God as to where we are to go, when, and how. My faith is weary, but that is why we have brothers and sisters in Christ, to lift us up when we are weary.
I promise to post pics soon. I also realized when I closed my other blog down that many people read my blog that I did not know were reading this. That really touched me. Thanks for caring and sharing life with me.
Oh, and I was hired to teach two classes at University of Memphis in the fall in the Human Movement and Science department. I am pumped!

Bad News...

As I got out of my workshop tonight, I had two messages on Rick's cel (which is mine for the next few days). They were from his dad, who was crying. An hour later, I heard the news, his 28 year old brother had passed away. He laid down to take a nap and never woke up. Just like that, it was over. Kyle always made me smile. Rick was the only educated one in his family, the only one who lived a Christina lifestyle. But despite Kyles stupid choices, his missing teeth, and his country accent, his smile could light up a room. He always was the first to hug me. He remembered all of my family members and asked about each of them by name. He looked me in the eyes and genuinely cared. He had a big heart and wanted to make people happy. I will never forget his goofy grin or how he would look at his big bro with such adoring eyes. Rick was his hero. My husband is up in NY by himself. I am here, desperately trying to make arrangements wishing I could be holding Rick. PLEASE PRAY for him.

My Ten Compliments

So I put my sweet husband on a plane today, actually this morning - early. I was hoping I would not sob, but he annoyed my by forgetting his phone and having to take mine. That kept me from crying! That being said, I will not have my cel until Friday. I join him in NYC. I have been twice, but I would love restaurant suggestions.
I really have nothing to blog about per se, so don't expect anything too good out of this one.
I will say I got a message from a friend whose husband went through something similar to Rick. In it, she shared with me how I encouraged her so much by sharing something I thought was obvious. I told her she was a great wife of a church planter. I thought nothing of it, because I was stating the obvious. I found out later how much she needed to hear that - that it had a profound effect on her. It really made me realize how we keep so much to ourselves. We think nice things but often assume someone knows them and never share. That being said, I just want to share some compliments. Here are the first ten compliments that pop in my head. If I do not give you one, it does not mean I do not find you wonderful.
#1 Kylie, you can write! You really are gifted. You can make reading about nothing in particular very entertaining.
#2 Rose, I am proud of what you have done with the mommy podcast (don't know technical terms). That is creative!
#3 Amy, the world does not seem to lure you the way it does most people. Possessions do not matter enough to spend money you do not have.
#4 Millage, I just love you. There is so much about you that there would be no way to describe how much of a beautiful soul mate you are! You are my free version of Tori Spelling!
#5 Mom, you are never lazy. Even when you are dog tired, you do not stop. I admire how you just move forward and get everything done.
#6 Leigh, you are smart and have a sense of generosity and compassion that is uncommon in doctor, science-minded people
#7 Carebear, everyone loves you because you make them feel like they are the funniest, smartest, most interesting people on the planet. Everyone feels special with you.
#8 Rick, you do not know how to lack faith. You have had your butt kicked in ministry, been burned, but you get up and still love to serve Jesus. If I could only have your faith on your lowest days, I would be miles further in this process.
#9 Kim, you are not afraid to be you. That is a rarity in white collar, educated society.
#10 Dad, you never read this but I cannot help it. Your help, listening, and encouragement have helped me get on my feet again.
Those are my ten compliments. I encourage/challenge everyone who reads this to do the same. Maybe not in a blog, but in an email, phone call, letter, over coffee. You have no idea where people are and what they need to hear.

It is mine again!

Welcome to my new blog! I am glad you took the time to come read my new one! I hope this will lead me to start posting again. We shall see, right? These past few months have been a gut-wrenching, heartbreaking journey. Up until the past couple of weeks, I have felt as if I would not come out victorious, but God knew and has shown otherwise. I have dealt with such deep rooted anger after the way these few men at ABC treated Rick. How dare they?! The anger was destroying me. God led me to an Anger Workbook that has been amazing. It is changing so much about the way I view things and is helping me work through some feelings. You see, I am a person who really needs to see justice. I like to see wrongs righted. I have to discuss my feelings and get things cleared. With the way these 5 men treated Rick, I had lots to "let off," but they lied to the church and did not allow us an opportunity to respond. I have had nowhere to "place" all of these emotions, and so they began to eat me alive, inside out. Guess what?! Because I drop the anger and any retribution, it does not mean I am saying they are ok or that I am conceding to them. It means I care more about being spiritually and emotionally healthy. It means my love and trust of God outweighs my anger, pain, and desire to see these men pay.
It is funny, I have a master degree in counseling, but this book is still really teaching me. I feel like Memphis is the Balm of Gilead for us. I am healing. Rick is healing. We are healing, as a we. Our bond is stronger than it has been since he started ministry. The church in NY is filled with beautiful people that are open and accepting and not pressuring us. Don't get me wrong, I cry like a baby after Rick gets on the airplane, and I miss him like crazy. I worry he will crash in a plane or something like that, but I am still in a better place. I am finally losing weight - 2 sizes down already. I feel like I am finding myself again. Oh God is so good!
My blogs will be about whatever I want. I am not censoring, being pastor wifeish or worrying. This is my place to express my thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc., as I FIDO and live life!